He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
