I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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