You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
