I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
