I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
