does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
