I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
