apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
