I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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