You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
