Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
