I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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