Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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