I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
