She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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