Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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