My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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