I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize