I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
