Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
