If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
