I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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