I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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