Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
