Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
