when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
