I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
