I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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