How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
