at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You don't make any sense
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