honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
