I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
