I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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