So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You are a genius and a whore.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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