if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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