they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
