I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
