LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
