Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
