No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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