none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
