Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
