I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
