I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
