my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
