remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
