none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my shit smells like andre
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
