I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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