The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
