Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
