hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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