I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was confusing and full of hummus
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
