As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
