Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
