im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
