I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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