tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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