Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
