I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
