I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
