We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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