remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
