I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
