i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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