im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize