i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
